In recent days I have begun noticing the most virulent epidemic of our time encroaching upon the grounds of our fine university: slow walkers.
Slow walkers epitomise the very worst in our modern society and are now plaguing walkways and hallways and byways and are always in the way. This university must rise to the challenge of combating slow walkers if it is to ever dream of keeping pace with other forward-moving and -thinking institutions.
I now move that we, as students and staff, motion to the university that current policies are not in-step with the reality of an advancing world. And should we fail to migrate from sluggish policies, the world may pass us by.